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How to DM someone without being THAT guy

Getting a good DM is a ray of sunshine in a world that can feel a bit dark and gloomy at the moment.

Sending a good DM is a shot in the dark in an overcrowded Insta tray (and the heart if they ignore your message – but let’s be POSITIVE).

Whether you’re basking in the sunshine or writhing in the agony of social media rejection, shed some light on the matter by schooling yourself in how to DM someone. (without ruining your social life).



Difficult, difficult, lemon, difficult.

An awkwardly worded depiction of how we’ve recently found trying to stand out in a DM. It’s the equivalent of waving at someone you think is looking at you, only to find it’s the guy behind.

But there are some ways we can get it right and be a little bit unique:

  • Treat it like a text. Granted, this is more of a stand-out-by-blending-in tactic. If you already sort of know this person, talk to them as if you do. Use your opening line as a hook – be a bit of a tease by mentioning that thing which happened at the party you both went to – you know the one. Or mention a mutual friend – anything to form a genuine connection that isn’t just ‘how are you’.
  • Whoever you're Dm-ing, don't just talk about their looks. In the long list of how to DM someone on Instagram, this is the number one thing to avoid. Just because Insta is all about the visuals, doesn’t mean we have to fall into this trap of unoriginality. Chances are, every other Tom, Dick, and Harry (names unconfirmed) is also sliding into their DMs with the same chat about their photo with all the likes. Yawn.
  • DM-ing someone on Instagram already shows a certain amount of balls, so live up to expectations with something genuinely insightful from their page – what sort of things are they into? What’s their sense of humour like? Maybe you’ve read something you think they'll like… (whatever you’ve read, make sure it’s their Insta account – judge it right). 
  • Reply directly to their story. Push to the front by directly replying to their story – not only is this instant messaging at its finest, but it also shows that you’re directly engaging with their profile, and that’s flattering. Because of the context, this is less random than a one-off message all those how to DM someone on Instagram posts have been telling you to create (we know what you’re thinking but shh this one’s different).
someone you think is looking at you, only to find it’s the guy behind.

It’s the equivalent of waving at someone you think is looking at you, only to find it’s the guy behind.



Being funny is a turn-on but what to say in a DM on Instagram that they haven’t heard before? We could reel off a few lines here that you could copy and paste into their DMs but… it’ll look like you’ve copied and pasted it, and you’ve probably already read a few of those posts screenshotting messages and telling you what to say. 

Which is why – drum roll, please – the best pick-up line on Insta is one that manages to do what all the others haven’t: ask them out. 


Break cyberspace by suggesting something in the real world (or a video call if you can’t meet in person yet). Put into practice what you learnt from your Insta scroll of their profile and ask them to do something they're genuinely into. 

Remember, you’re just a guy, DM-ing a girl or guy, asking them to go out with you