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How to talk to a girl online

Let’s face it, talking IRL is becoming harder and harder; the days of approaching people offline feel like something your Nan might remember, and for a while now it’s been all about the DMs. From Insta to Tinder, a whole range of apps have been trying to help us cross the void. But there’s a fine line between smooth talker and creepy stalker; it’s worth schooling ourselves in how to talk to girls on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble (or any other app, tbh). Whether it’s the guy or girl you’re talking to, or they’re non-binary, it’s a fine art – but we’ve got you.  


This cheat sheet for how to talk to people on Tinder, Facebook, and all over your socials, is worth committing to memory. Like Facebook, it feels like Tinder’s been around for bare time. But if our chat doesn’t match our intentions, we’re not going to get very far. Here are a few tips for how to talk to someone on Tinder or other dating apps:

  • Don’t use a cliché chat-up line – These usually come across as more creepy than charming when talking on Tinder, so steer clear. Have a look at these tips for helping spark a proper chat. Veeeery occasionally, a cheesy opener can go down well. But judge that profile right when gauging levels of cheesiness.
  • Talk about their interests – Hopefully your match will have some juicy details in their bio you can talk about, like favourite music or what they’re studying. If they’re being all mysterious about it, try some of these questions.
  • Don’t immediately ask for their number – Wait a bit to build up trust (on both sides). Get to know them a little before you take the chat offline. But if you’re feeling it, you’re feeling it, and life is short – we’re talking days here, not weeks (to respond, relaaaaaax).
Even if you’re just stuck in your bedroom, you can make it look like you’re on a tropical island with some filters and stuff.

Don’t be bummed out if it doesn’t work out – not every match is destined to be. Shake it off (don’t pretend you don’t know the tune) and get back in the game.


It’s easy when learning how to talk to women online, or anyone for that matter, to completely miss some of the obvious signs – and it’s exactly the same if they’re trying to DM us. We’ve all been there at least once, so don’t worry about it – it’s not that easy to tell over messages. Need a helping hand with how to talk to women on Tinder? Here are some signs to look out for:

  • Not replying: Brutal, but, if they’re not replying, they’re probably not interested. Instead of throwing a load of follow-up questions their way, let it go – the Kim to your Kanye is out there (or someone even better, tbh).
  • Not asking questions: If you’re doing all the leg work or the chat is like talking to a piece of carpet, it’s time to move on.
  • Slow replies: A couple of hours to reply is fine, but a couple of days and that’s too cheeky to be fun (sad times, but someone who replies and is fire is out there).

Don’t be bummed out if it doesn’t work out – not every match is destined to be. Shake it off (don’t pretend you don’t know the tune) and get back in the game.


Your gramps was right; fools rush in.

  • Take it slow: Confessing your undying love after a few emojis is a liiiittle bit extra. Knowing how to talk to women online is all about understanding that people have lives outside of these apps. Including you. Be smooth and take your time – they will be.  
  • Good things will happen: When it comes to how to talk to a girl online or flirting with a guy over DMs, it definitely isn’t always easy. Even the best of us mess it up every now and then! It’s all about those messy moments, though. As in, we live and we learn – we move on, maybe in the same chat, maybe with someone else.

The main takeaways here? Keep things PG, don’t rush in too quickly, and always know the tell-tale signs to look out for.

Oh. And enjoy it! Obviously. If it’s not fun, it’s not worth it.