Bullets are whizzing past your head. Dirt and debris fly in your face as the world around you blurs. “Medic!”, you hear your best friends voice through the chaos and the chorus of gunfire. “My hair!” as the voice gets more distant and echoey.
Hair? Oh, it’s your friend in the online game you’re playing who’s taken their headset off and got their hair caught. Ouch.
And whilst gaming is a lot of fun, there are several gaming injuries (gamer’s thumb, gamer’s hand, gamer’s elbow – to name a few) to look out for. Here are some of the boss fights you might face on your quest for (staying inside all week) glory.
It’s easy to use 100% of your brain and end up using 0% of your hands
GAMER'S THUMB
The battle of ‘gamer’s thumb’ or ‘gamer’s hand’ might have you close to rage quitting but that’s ok. Like Metal Gear Solid’s Psycho Mantis, you’re going to have to think outside the box for this one. You can only beat this foe by putting down the pad. This passive approach will chip away at gamer’s thumb to make it easy to beat. But if you still find this boss too hard to conquer, enter a cheat code (doctor’s phone number) into your phone and see what happens.
GAMER'S FACE
You might have a gaming face that looks pretty intense/scared/possessed but that’s not what this boss is about. Gaming face is when you drop your phone on your face when you’re playing games in bed. And that’s fine, because it’s easy to use 100% of your brain and end up using 0% of your hands. The secret weapon you’ll need to search for is a pop socket. You might only note this boss comes out to play at night when you’re in bed – so try just playing in the daytime and you can avoid this boss!
GAMER'S WRIST
This one’s a classic. If you didn’t pay attention in the tutorials, then you might come to boss fight and have no idea how to face them. Take a look online and start from square one. The crushing blow you might have missed during the tutorial is moving your mouse from your elbow rather than your wrist. Now have another go and you might find out it’s like you’ve been playing Mario without knowing how to jump.
GAMER'S NECK
The final boss fight of gaming injuries: neck and back pain. You can’t defeat this villain by yourself. You need a sidekick. Another character who has your back (literally): a good chair. It’ll be the Kazooie to your Banjo (and if you don’t game that is going to sound really weird). If you’ve got a good chair by your side, you clearly don’t know how to use a chair the beast of back pain stands no chance.
Keep the other people on your team safe too. Make sure you smell good so that whoever comes to drag you into the outside world doesn’t have their nostrils attacked.
The outside world is decent actually. The graphics are amazing, and the storyline is alright – but we’re still having trouble with the infinite money cheat code…